


TRADEMARKS OF HOMOSEXUALITY

by cedricsscarf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26480686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cedricsscarf/pseuds/cedricsscarf
Summary: the trademarks of homosexuality: how to spot a friend who is actually in love with youwolfstar marauders era
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	1. is too "nice" to be true

It was as normal as any other Friday morning as Sirius strolled into the Great Hall. He had just missed breakfast on the note that he was almost always fashionably late. He caught eyes with his friends and went over to their usual spot at the Gryffindor table.

"Hey Padfoot," James said, fiddling with utensils.

"Morning!" Sirius said cheerily as he sat down on the bench.

"You kinda missed breakfast, but we tried to save you some," Remus added. He put down the book he was reading and then pushed a plate of cold scrambled eggs, soggy toast, and a piece of bacon with a bite taken out of it towards him. Sirius looked skeptically at the plate of food.

"I got post-breakfast hungry," Remus said with a chuckle, referencing to the bacon with the bite taken out of it. "I am half wolf, after all." 

Sirius laughed, nodding his head in agreement. "That's okay, if I want breakfast I just won't sleep in next time," he said sarcastically. "Why didn't anyone wake me up?"

"You were talking in your sleep," Peter said. "It seemed pretty important so we thought we'd leave you to it!"

"'Unicorn's don't eat rain!'" James mocked Sirius's sleep-talking. Unable to contain himself, he burst out laughing, tears forming in his eyes rather quickly as if he'd been holding the joke in all morning. James's laugh was contagious, and had everyone laughing while people at other tables gave them weird looks.

Remus chuckled and then chimed in, "To be fair I wanted to wake you up." 

"But you didn't!" James said, still trying to shake off the laughter. "It was just too funny to pass up. You talked about unicorns for so long."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead, laugh at the cool guy, I get it!"

"HA," James shouted. "In your dreams... literally."

Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled the plate of food towards him, debating on actually eating the cold breakfast for a moment. His stomach, nor his brain, did not seem too pleased at the idea. His brain was still processing the fact that he's a sleep-talker, and was low-key refusing to believe it.

"I gotta get to class," Remus's voice interrupted Sirius's train of thought. "Do you wanna walk with me or are you into being fashionably late for everything?"

Sirius grinned, "I do like to be late... but I guess I'll walk with you just this once."

"Oh, why thank you so much, you're so kind!" Remus remarked sarcastically. He grabbed the book he had put down moments before and got up from the table, fixing his robes as he did so. Sirius got up as well.

"Enjoy your potions!" James yelled and waved as they walked away together. 

"Mister Smarty Pants, what are we learning today?" Sirius asked. 

"Some sort of love potion. I didn't get to finish reading the chapter... I actually fell asleep in the middle of it."

"Well that's just great, if you fall asleep in the middle of reading about the topic, I'm definitely going to drop dead!" Sirius joked.

Remus grinned from ear to ear, "it is interesting stuff! I just couldn't focus!" and then his grin fell, "I haven't been sleeping well."

Sirius looked over at Remus, a concerned look on his face. His eyes darted around in front of them, and turned his head to scope the surroundings. He wanted make sure no one had gotten too close to hear. "Is it because of the full moon?" He whispered. "Isn't there a potion for that?"

"It could be, but I'm not entirely sure," Remus shrugged. "And yes, there is a potion for that." 

"Why not? What else could it be?" Sirius asked, eyebrows furrowed, as they walked into class.

Remus just shrugged again, not wanting to elaborate, which put an end to that conversation. They took their seats next to each other, waiting for Slughorn to stop fiddling with things at the front of the room and address the class.

"Ah yes," Slughorn said to himself and turned around. "In case you hadn't noticed the lovely smell in here, today we're making Amorentia. Can anyone tell me what that is?" He looked hopeful, glancing around the room at Remus and then to Lily Evans, who was a few rows in front of them.

Lily raised her hand casually, and Slughorn called on her.

"It's the most powerful love potion in the world. The scent changes to be essentially whatever you're attracted to."

"Very good, Miss Evans, very good!"

Slughorn went on explaining the plan for the rest of class. Sirius leaned over to Remus and asked what it smelled like to him.

Remus kept his gaze fixated at the front of the room, not looking over at his friend. "Well, it smells like that fresh new book scent, earl grey tea, and a really strong cologne..." he paused. "But I think that's just coming from you."

"I'm not wearing any today, but I'd bet it's coming off of Snape a few rows behind us," he joked cluelessly. "Gotta cover up the stench somehow."

Remus let himself laugh, and tried to tune back into what Slughorn was saying, but found it incredibly difficult. All he could think about was the Amorentia emulating the strong cologne with an undertone of wet dog (which he dared not to mention to Sirius. Anything dog related sent him into a frenzy of excitement). He was trying to piece together in his mind why this love potion would remind him of Sirius, among other things.

Remus's heart dropped to the soles of his shoes as the pieces clicked together in his mind. He hadn't just loved Sirius's company as a friend. It was in this moment he realized it had developed into something more – and that terrified him.


	2. wants to spend time with you alone

At dinner later that same day, the Great Hall was much busier than it was at breakfast. When Sirius pointed this out, James joked that that's what it looks like when you're not late to everything. Peter simply laughed along, as he does with anything James has to say. 

The three boys ate and chatted like normal – James was staring at Lily who was sitting just a few meters down the Gryffindor table from them (you could tell he was trying to eat less aggressively, just in case she looked over), Sirius was mindlessly going for his second helping, and Peter was quietly, but intently, observing what James and Sirius were doing. Remus on the other hand had barely touched his dinner. His mind was replaying his conversation with Sirius in potions from earlier, his mind remembering the alluring scents from the Amorentia. Did Sirius catch on to the fact that it was his scent emulating from the potion? 

'How did I not see this before?' he wondered. 'I've had feelings for Sirius this whole time? And I never noticed? Can other people tell? Oh, Merlin what if someone could read my mind right now –' 

His internal monologue was interrupted by James's elbow being jammed into his side.

"What?" he turned his head sideways toward James.

"You alright, mate? You barely ate."

This statement caught the attention of the other two, who were now looking worriedly at Remus.

"I'm fine, I swear. Just not that hungry that's all... I'm just, uh... worried about the moon." He paused, and lowered his voice, "the full moon. It's just not a good feeling is all."

He wondered if they could tell that he was lying. After sixteen years of dealing with monthly transformations, the worry kind of goes away. It becomes more of a sick, painful chore you need a few days to recover from.

"Makes sense, Moony," Sirius chimed in. "Well, we're here for you if you need anything before or after."

"Yeah! Anything you need," added Peter.

"What if I do your homework for you?" Sirius said with a charming smile.

"You're gonna do my homework for me?" Remus laughed. "You don't even do your own homework!"

"Yeah, so what! If it'll help take your mind off things. Or we could do it together. I need the help, you're probably not against getting your work done early. It'd be perfect, Moons."

Remus raised an eyebrow at him, but agreed nonetheless.

"Well, don't expect me to be joining your little homework date. I like to wait until the last minute. I get more done that way," James added.

"Don't worry, you weren't invited anyways," Sirius teased.

"I know I should be offended, but I'm really not!"

Remus's mind was stuck on the term "homework date." 'It's not a date. He just wants to help me out. As a friend. That's it.'

In the Gryffindor common room later that night, the two boys worked hard to finish their potions homework that had been given earlier that day – 2 rolls of parchment on the negative side effects of Amorentia.

"Do you think Slughorn even reads all of this?" Sirius said, after a lot of silence. He took a sip from the black coffee that sat next to him on the floor where he sat. "Think about it. He has how many students, 2 rolls of parchment each. I bet I could just write nonsense and he'd barely read it and I'd get a passing grade."

Remus chortled. He crossed one leg over the other, sitting in the armchair across from Sirius on the floor. "I dare you to do that. And then let me know how it works out for you."

"I was thinking more along the lines that you could try it. Y'know, for research purposes."

"Oh, yeah, not going to happen. Nice try though."

The boys fell silent again, their smiles lingering from their banter. Remus finished the sentence he was writing and put down his quill. Sirius was still focused on writing his paper, thinking of his next words. He took another sip of his coffee.

"What did Amorentia smell like for you?" Remus asked, a slight smile forming on his lips. He could feel his palms get sweaty. "I'm just... curious I suppose."

"Hmmm," Sirius hummed. "caramel, freshly brewed coffee, and ironically, my home in Grimmauld place."

Remus nodded approvingly. "That's all?"

"Oh and uhm..." Sirius furrowed his eyebrows together and looked as if he was pretending to remember a long lost thought. "and that eucalyptus vanilla candle. The one you have beside your bed."

Remus paused. "Oh yeah. I use that all the time."

Sirius grinned, putting down his quill. "You always smell like it, too. And you just keep refilling the wax magically instead of getting a new one."

Remus felt his heart jump a little.

"Why buy a new one when I can just keep filling it?"

"Because some of us don't ever know what to get you as a gift, and you're hard to buy for."

"Well, I'll stop refilling mine then and we can buy each other the same candle for our birthdays since you also seem to like it so much."

"Of course I like it, it smells like you."

Sirius's forwardness was unexpected to Remus, who felt his heart jump again. It started beating faster with excitement. He honestly thought maybe Sirius would be able to see it beating underneath his jumper. Remus found himself unable to say anything more. He went through a million things he could have said, but none of them seemed good enough. By the time he could have spoke, it seemed the silence had been too long. He looked down into his lap at the parchment he was holding.

Sirius just grinned again. "Did you finish your paper?"

"No," Remus replied. "Not quite."

"You still worried about the full moon?"

"Uhm, not quite." Remus was still sort of at a loss for words. Apparently 'not' and 'quite' were the only words left in his vocabulary.

Sirius smiled his charming smile, and turned his attention back to his parchment. "That's good, Moons. Glad I could help sort things out for you."

Remus rolled his eyes and picked up his quill again. At that moment it was clear for him that they weren't actually talking about the full moon. Sirius was toying with Remus, and they both knew it. But he didn't dare call him on it.


	3. directs the conversation to intimate matters

It wasn't long until everyone in Gryffindor house knew that Remus and Sirius had finally gotten together. And then it wasn't long after that until the news had spread across the castle. It had been a long-standing rumour that the two of them were dating, but once it was confirmed by one of the two of them, news spread like wild-fire. 

Sirius was sitting in Potions class when he felt someone tap on his right shoulder from behind him. He turned his head slightly so Professor Slughorn, who was teaching at the front of the room, wouldn't notice. From the corner of Sirius's eye, all he'd noticed were Gryffindor robes, and then Marlene McKinnon's hushed voice spoke.

"Are the rumours true?" she whispered. 

"What?" Sirius whispered back, a confused expression lingering on his features. 

"About you and Remus?" she leaned forward, trying to get close enough so he could hear, but stay quiet enough so Slughorn wouldn't.

Sirius grinned and nodded. "Yeah, they're true." 

Without saying anything more, he turned his head to face the front of the class again. He gave no explanation. Marlene is a talker, and Sirius knew that was all the confirmation she, and anyone else would need. 

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

After Potions, Sirius headed straight for the common room. Remus was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, reading quietly. He didn't have to look up to know it was Sirius who had come through the portrait – you could smell his cologne from a mile away. Sirius once said he wore so much because it covered up the scent of dog that liked to stick with him. 

"Hey, Pads," Remus said, still his eyes were following along with the words in his book.

Sirius walked over and sat next to him. He rested his head on his shoulder, reading bits and pieces of the book Remus held. 

"What on earth are you reading?" Sirius laughed. 

"Muggle literature," Remus replied. He flipped the book to the cover, his thumb holding his spot in the book. "the Catcher in the Rye."

"Sounds weird."

"It is," Remus laughed. He dog-eared the page in the book and tossed it onto the coffee table in front of them. "How was class?"

"It was alright," he said. "Marlene McKinnon was asking me if the rumours are true." As Sirius said this last part, he used air quotes and rolled his eyes.

"What did you say?" Remus asked. In the moment he felt as if maybe Sirius wouldn't want to announce to the world that they were together. The feeling of shame and loneliness plagued Remus in moments like these.

"Well, obviously I said that they are!" 

"Just checking..." Remus laughed, and brushed off his worries from seconds ago.

"What? Did you think I would lie to her?" Sirius asked.

"No, I just know you have a reputation as a ladies man," Remus said, not wanting to explain to Sirius what was on his mind previously. "And you like people to see you as some sort of ... enigma." 

"Yeah, well that doesn't matter!"

"Aw," Remus said, reaching up to twirl one of Sirius's curls around his finger. "You'd give up your little reputation for me?"

"Hell yeah!" Sirius said. "Besides, it's not like my rep as a ladies man actually has any... structure to it."

Remus looked at him, puzzled, but still mindlessly playing with Sirius's curls. "What does that mean?"

Sirius grinned awkwardly. "I kissed Lucinda Talkalot once in third year, and I don't think she shut up about it. She really lived up to her name there," he laughed. "And anyways, I guess other people started to think I was this big player and I thought it was funny, so I went with it."

"That's it?" Remus laughed, somewhat baffled. "You kissed one girl once and that's why everyone thinks you're–" 

"Yeah, yeah, it's funny isn't it?"

"Extremely. You even had me fooled." 

Other Gryffindors were coming in and out of the common room as the two boys fell silent, the chatting of the other students filling the air. The gears in Remus's mind were turning. He really was completely fooled into thinking Sirius's charm had actually gotten him somewhere romantically or physically. He was kind of glad that wasn't the case. Remus was good with romance purely because he read a lot of fiction, not from experience.

"Have you ever kissed anyone other than me, Moony?"

Remus looked over at him and shook his head. 

"Never?"

"Never."

"Never done anything with anyone?"

Remus laughed. "If you're insinuating that I've done other things but never kissed someone, you might need some sort of psychological evaluation."

"I'm just checking!" Sirius giggled, a real cutesy giggle. "Well, I think that's sweet you're so innocent, Moony."

"You're just saying that 'cause you like me," Remus smiled a soft smile. He stopped playing with his hair and cupped Sirius's face with both hands. Sirius smiled. 

"No, definitely not," he said sarcastically, his voice hushed. His face was starting to get warm as his cheeks started to turn pink. 

Remus leaned in and kissed him. Kissing was a hobby the two of them had taken up when they'd been in each others presence too long. They were like magnets. It was hard to keep their mouths apart for too long. 

So caught up in their own world, they hadn't heard James come into the common room, who was followed by Peter and Lily Evans. 

"Congratulations!" James shouted unexpectedly and randomly, walking over to the couch where Remus and Sirius had stopped making out to glare at James. He plopped down into the chair around the fireplace. 

"Potter, let them be romantic in peace!" Lily intervened. She stood at the back of the couch, and lowered her head towards the two of them. "I am very happy for you both, by the way."

"Thank you, Lily," Remus replied. 

Sirius had a smile on his face that he just couldn't wipe off. Sirius could feel his cheeks start to ache, but couldn't stop for the life of him. Remus looked over at him and noticed he was still smiling, which made him grin as well.


	4. writes you love notes as to a sweetheart

It became very clear very quickly to both Remus and Sirius that they were crushing on each other, hard. It was unspoken. No one ever said the words. No one asked the other out on a date. For the time being, it was just two boys having crushes and being crushed on. They kept it something low-key (as low-key as you can keep Sirius, of course), never mentioning to James or Peter what had happened, though they could tell something had happened. One night, James mentioned to Peter that he saw it coming, and that he should have bet some gold on it. To which Peter replied that he had no idea either of them were even gay.

Sirius was lounging in the most comfortable and largest red cushioned chair in the common room, his knees pulled up onto the chair, and the heels of his shoes digging into the maroon coloured cushion. He was scribbling dramatically onto parchment which rested on his legs, and he was scribbling out multiple sentences rather aggressively.

In that same moment, James waltzed in wearing his Quidditch uniform, Peter trailing not far behind him. James had almost not even noticed Sirius sitting there, but stopped abruptly causing Peter to smash into his back.

"Sorry," Peter muttered. Sirius looked up from what he was doing.

"Are you doing homework?" James asked, shocked. He walked over to him, completely disregarding Peter's meek apology.

"No, not homework," Sirius replied. "I'm writing something for Moony."

"Awww, is it a love note?" James teased, plopping down onto the couch closest to where Sirius sat. Sirius just moved his eyes to look at him and smirked.

"It's not a love note either!"

"The look on your face says otherwise!"

"It's just something nice."

"You get a boyfriend for what, a week? And suddenly you've gone all soft!" James replied.

"He's not my boyfriend," Sirius said. The disappointment in his voice was clear.

"Yet." Peter shrugged. Sirius just rolled his eyes, the smirk on his face still lingering.

Remus emerged through the portrait of the Fat Lady. Once he saw everyone, he walked over to them and sat on the arm of Sirius's chair. The three boys had fallen silent – James and Peter looked expectantly at Remus and Sirius. Sirius folded up his parchment and shoved it in the back of his Potions textbook, and Remus was looking back at James and Peter with a confused expression.

"Do I have something on my face?" Remus chuckled.

"Sirius wrote you a love note," James said very matter-of-factly.

Sirius's mouth gaped open, "I did not!" His cheeks started to turn a bright shade of red.

"Well you wrote something soft and gushy. I've known you for how long? And I've never seen you make those faces you just made before. And I've never seen you write that intently. Come on, Padfoot. Share with the class, why don't you!"

Sirius glared at James. "It's not done yet."

Remus's face had gone flush, flattered at the idea of someone writing him a love note. "That's alright, you can share it when you've perfected it."

"No fair," James sat backwards into the couch, sulking.

"It's okay, Prongs. Maybe Sirius will write you something sweet and mushy next."

James rolled his eyes and got up from his sulking position just as quickly as he had flopped into it. "Alright, I'm done bugging. I'm going to get cleaned up. I feel like I reek like sweat and dirt from practice"

"You do," Peter laughed, scrunching his nose at the smell of James.

"You weren't supposed to agree with me, Wormtail," James laughed.

Peter shrugged and disregarded his comment. "It's getting late anyways. I should probably go to bed."

"Yeah, we'll leave the two lovebirds to be in love and in grossness."

"Ha ha ha, don't be jealous!" Remus laughed. He crumpled up a loose piece of parchment and threw the wad of it at James.

"I could never be jealous!"

"The way you look at Lily would actually beg to differ."

James laughed lightly, but had no come-back. "Anyways..." James replied. He and Peter stood up and went their separate ways, off to bed and off to get clean. Remus looked down at Sirius from the arm of the chair he sat on and smiled.

"Yes?" Sirius laughed, looking back at Remus. There was something going on behind Remus's eyes and he wanted to know immediately what it was.

"Nothin'," Remus shrugged. "I'm just looking at you."

Sirius blushed again. He looked at Remus and rested his head against Remus's arm that was draped behind his head on the chair. He took in the scent of vanilla and eucalyptus and smiled to himself, closing his eyes.

"I have something for you," Remus said, breaking the silence.

"You do?" Sirius opened his eyes and sat up. He wondered what on earth Remus could have for him. Was it gold? A pet? A flower picked from the garden outside the castle? Within seconds he concluded that it was probably nothing extravagant like that. It was probably a page from a book that reminded him of Sirius. Those are the kinds of gifts he likes to give – words. Sirius thought Remus's gifts always ended up being the sweetest ones anyways.

Remus reached into his pocket and handed Sirius an envelope. It had a neat bright red wax seal and Sirius written in pretty handwriting on the front of it.

"Woooow," Sirius exclaimed as he took the envelope from Remus. "This looks promising."

Remus let out a hearty laugh. "Well I'd hope so. I had to re-do the writing on the envelope so many times. I kept accidentally smudging it with the back of my hand."

"Can I open it now?"

"Yes, please do!"

Sirius laughed, his thumb grazing over the soft feel of the envelope. He peeled it open and looked up at Remus, who was watching expectantly. He turned his attention back to the letter and pulled a singular piece of folded parchment from inside. Opening the folded parchment, he grinned. "You stole my idea!"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," Remus grinned, knowing exactly what he was talking about. "I just wanted to write you something. I never expected you to try and write me something, Pads."

"Well, you're always writing, and reading old books, and being nerdy, so I thought you'd like to receive a nice letter of your own."

Remus laughed again, "I'm flattered, truly." Remus's smile would not leave his face, as he was filled with excitement and anticipation for Sirius to read what he wrote.

Sirius turned his attention back to the parchment, setting the envelope down in his lap to read it. Looking around the perimeter of the parchment, there were messy hearts drawn in ink all around it – some small and some big, and they were enchanted to look like they were beating like real hearts. 

"Dear Padfoot,

I honestly can't remember how long we've been doing this dance of pretending we were friends and nothing more. I even had myself fooled. I keep recalling instances were I was looking at you and wishing you'd sit closer to me; or when we'd be in a crowded room I'd just be looking for your bright smile or hoping to catch your laugh from across the room. Moments when you'd fix my tie and my heart would stop beating momentarily. I overlooked all of that, but I can't do that anymore.

I don't want to hold back from you. I don't want to just be your friend. I want more than that. I need more than that. I hope you do too.

with love,

Moony."

Sirius smiled the whole time he was reading, feeling unable to read it fast enough. Once he had finished, he almost threw the letter across the common room with excitement. Without looking around or even saying anything, he grabbed Remus's face and kissed him. Remus smiled and rested his hand on the side of Sirius's neck.

"I'll take that as a yes," Remus grinned as he pulled away.

"A thousand times yes!" Sirius exclaimed. "Honestly, I'm really glad you asked me first. I went through so many rolls of parchment trying to get the right words. You're much better at this than I am, Moons."

"Better at what? Kissing?" Remus joked.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Actually, you're not bad for a beginner."

"Ah," Remus laughed. "You're such a romantic."

"I know, I-"

Remus cut him off by kissing him again, and again, and it wasn't long before they were both sitting in the chair in the middle of the common room, holding each other and not caring who could see them.


	5. proposes that you be room-mates and sleep in the same bed

The full moon had come and gone, and Remus found it to be one of the more painful transformations he has experienced in his lifetime. Once he transformed back into himself, his body felt limp, as if a million pound weight had been lifted. He sat in the grass, watching the sun rise as it was beginning to peak over the hillside, the grass damp under his hands in the early hours of the morning. 

He pushed himself off the ground, wincing in pain as he moved. His old scars were replaced by new ones – fresh looking and bright red. He put his robes on, wrapped them around him and headed for the castle. Breakfast won't start for another while, so he had time to sneak back in without another student spotting him. He'd be spending the day in bed, regardless. 

Remus walked through the castle, headed towards the Gryffindor common room. The corridors were empty, just as he had suspected. Just as they always were. As he approached the fat lady, he spoke the password meekly. The Fat Lady swung open, and he walked into the warmth of the common room; a strong contrast from the cold, damp outdoors. 

As he walked into the boys dormitory, he noticed Peter was the only one awake and out of bed, getting ready for the day. James was awake sitting up in bed, his jet-black hair sticking in all different directions. It was obvious he was not a morning person. Sirius was also still in bed, asleep, much like everyone else in the dormitory. 

"Remus!" Peter chimed. Remus winced, the noise was a lot for the headache he was starting to feel creep up on him. "How you feelin'?"

"Like shit." 

Remus's face was pale and beat up, the bags under his eyes sunk lower than they were naturally (which no one really thought was possible until that moment). Peter looked at him solemnly, and then over at James who was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

Remus sat on the edge of his bed. 

"Do you wanna get something to eat?" James asked. In the middle of a yawn he continued to speak, "sometimes you eat and then you feel a little better. Maybe I can sneak to the kitchen and grab you some chocolate."

Remus smiled lightly and shook his head. "That's alright, I'm just going to rest here." 

"Rough night?" Sirius rolled over in his bed to face Remus, who's bed was beside his. Sirius squinted at the bright sunlight that was starting to come into the room. 

"Yeah... I think I have a brief memory of getting into a fight with a winged creature. I don't remember details... Just blurs," he said quietly. 

As the other Gryffindor boys in the dormitory started to wake up and get ready to go down for breakfast, Remus said no more in case someone might overhear. He got into his bed and pulled the covers up over his head. He listened to everyone chatting and waited until the majority of the footsteps had shuffled out of the room. These ten, maybe twenty minutes felt like an eternity to him. His mind just would not stop racing, despite how fatigued he felt. 

Once the room fell silent, he pulled the covers off of his face and looked around the room. Sirius was still in bed, his body moving with the calm state of his breathing, his eyes closed. Everyone else had finally left for breakfast. Remus sighed and closed his eyes, staring at the ceiling. 

"I don't think the answer to finding sleep is on the ceiling, Rem," Sirius said, his voice cracking from being half-asleep. 

"If you find the answer, tell it I'm looking for it." 

"Penny for your thoughts?" Sirius chuckled. He loved stupid muggle catchphrases. 

Remus's mind raced. His mind flashed to last night, sitting in the common room and listening to Sirius say i like the way you smell. Then his memories shifted to potions class, the scent of strong cologne and wet dog, which he could smell now from Sirius in the bed beside him. He liked it. He liked it a lot. 

"I just..." Remus paused. "Why is everything so hard?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius shifted in his bed, pulling the covers up to his neck as if he was about to hear a deep secret at a sleepover party.

"Nothing is ever simple. I just can't be normal. I can't just wake up in my bed everyday. I can't just not be in constant agony. Physical agony. Emotional agony. I feel like I'm pining for something I can never have." Remus was still looking at the ceiling. He couldn't make eye contact. All he felt was angst among his aches and pains. 

Sirius nodded, waiting for him to continue. It was obvious Remus was not done talking. 

Remus took a deep breath. "I know I won't ever get to live a normal life. This is it. I'm a fucking werewolf. But I can't help but imagine what it would be like if things were different. Would someone actually be able to love me for me? Can anyone look past the fact that I'm a beast? That I feel unloveable and insecure?"

Sirius interrupted, "I think someone could." His voice was low and soft. To Remus it felt like a comforting hug, but in words. He still couldn't stop himself from swearing, something he does excessively when agitated. 

"Tell them to fucking hurry up then." 

Remus put his hands over his eyes. He heard Sirius shift around in his own bed, and then felt the side of his own sink down as if someone was sitting on it. He took his hands off of his eyes, and sure enough, there Sirius was. Sirius looked at Remus with that sparkle in his eye Remus had only ever seen him give to pretty girls in the hallway. 

"What are you doing?" Remus whispered.

"I told him to hurry up. Now he's on the side of your bed. Are you going to invite him in?" Sirius grinned, charming and irresistible. 

Remus laughed and it made the left side of his torso seize up. He groaned, sucking in air as he grabbed his side. Sirius put his hand over Remus's. 

"Yeah, he can come in," Remus said with a smile.

Sirius untucked the blankets on Remus's right side and got into bed with him, curling up next to him with gentle movements as to not disturb Remus's aching body. They lay in silence for a moment.

"You're not unloveable, Moony." 

"I'm glad you think so," Remus replied. "If anyone's opinion matters on the subject, it's yours."

Sirius buried his face in Remus's neck, and closed his eyes. Both boys felt sleep come over them quickly. Remus decided he could contemplate his existence at a later date, considering the very romantic and charming circumstance that was laying in his arms.


	6. wants to touch the private parts of your body

"You're going on the Hogsmeade trip, right?" James asked Sirius. 

They were in the boys dormitory, James putting on his wrinkled robes, and Sirius was standing by the window. He was watching the snow pile on the ground outside. It was the first snowfall of the year, usually a time where most people start to feel the world slow down around them as the sun spends less time blessing everyone's presence. Sirius on the other hand felt warmth building up within him, especially at the thought of his new romance with Remus. It made him feel fuzzy inside. It was the same feeling he'd get drinking warm butterbeer on a cold day – you could feel it slide down and warm up all the corners of yourself. 

"Yeah, I'm going. I would've told you if I wasn't!" 

"Your parents signed your permission slip?"

Sirius walked away from the window and towards James's bed. "Well, not exactly... But if anyone asks, yes they did!"

James laughed, throwing his head back like a little kid. "You forged the signature didn't you?"

"I'm afraid I cannot confirm nor deny that!" 

"Your secret is safe with me, Pads." James joked. 

The boys went down to the common room where Remus and Peter had been waiting for them. Remus glanced up from his book to check Sirius out, rather obviously, and it made them both blush. Remus always thought Sirius looked good in his school robes. 

"We better hurry down to the front hall to meet McGonagall, I honestly don't think she'll wait for us this time 'round," Remus said as he closed his book. 

"Nah, she'd totally wait for us," James said. "She loves me, she just won't admit it."

Remus laughed. "I think that's all in your head, Prongs."

"Is not!" James replied. 

"Alright, come on guys, for real!" Peter said, tugging James out through the portrait by the sleeve of his robes. 

Remus walked over to Sirius and grabbed him by the hand, leading him out through the portrait as well and down to the front hall, following James and Peter from a safe distance. Safe enough that they could barely hear the kissing noises James was making to mock them. 

In the front hall, McGonagall was collecting permission slips and other students were congregating in groups outside. 

"Permission slips, boys," she said as the marauders approached her. 

Peter un-crumpled his and handed it to her. James pulled his permission slip that had been torn slightly did the same. She looked apprehensively at both beat-up papers and handed them over to Filch who was holding a stack of them. She held her hand out for Remus's and he handed her a crisp piece of signed parchment. Sirius handed his over as well, and she gave them both to Filch as well. Sirius laughed internally at the fact that his ability to forge signatures was improving. 

"Alright, I believe that's everyone," McGonagall began. "Everyone follow me."

On the walk to Hogsmeade, the snow was crunchy under their boots. Remus and Sirius walked hand-in-hand, despite the crisp air nipping at their skin. Snowflakes were falling onto their eyelashes. 

"Did I tell you you look good today?" Sirius said. "I mean you look good everyday, I just mean like–"

Remus chuckled, "You're cute when you're nervous."

"Pssht–" Sirius exclaimed. "Nervous? Nah, not me."

Remus grinned and put his arm around Sirius, bringing them closer together as they walked. "How about now?"

Sirius felt his heart rate go up. 

"Nope!" he lied.

Remus just laughed and kept his arm around him. "I like making you nervous." 

Sirius's mind immediately went places deep down into the gutter that it most definitely should not have, especially in the presence of a million other people. All he could do was let out a soft laugh, but his mind had wandered at Remus's confidence. He thought it was the most attractive version of Remus he had ever seen. 

"Where are we going first?" Peter asked, hanging back with Remus and Sirius. 

"The Three Broomsticks, definitely," Sirius said. "I can always go for some butterbeer."

"I love the way you think, Pads. That shit is delicious," James said, marching towards the Inn. 

As they walked in, the room smelled sweet. The room itself was comforting. It reminded Sirius of sitting next to the fireplace in the common room. James went and ordered all of them a butterbeer each as the rest of the boys went and found a table by the window to sit at. Looking around, the room was starting to fill up with mostly Hogwarts students. 

James came over with the butterbeer – he had enchanted two of the cups to follow him to the table while he carried one in each hand and put them all on the table. 

"It feels great to be out of the castle," James said. "I feel like it gets stuffy in there somehow."

"I think you just hate being told what to do," Remus laughed.

"Hmm... Maybe you're onto something."

Remus and James continued their banter while Sirius had slipped back into the thoughts he was thinking early when they were walking in. They seemed untameable, at least to Sirius. He'd think about pulling Remus into the broom closet, and then wondered what he'd do if someone could hear his thoughts. 

"I'll be right back," Remus said, snapping Sirius out of his daze.

He watched him get up and walk to the bathroom. He debated following him. 

'Girls go to the bathroom together don't they?' Sirius thought. 'Did they even see him go into the bathroom?'

"You alright?" Peter asked, looking expectantly at Sirius. "You look... lost."

"Yeah, I'm good!" Sirius replied. He took a sip of his butterbeer. "I'll be right back, too."

Sirius made a quick and rash decision. He got up from the table and headed the long way to the bathroom, trying to throw them off in case they were watching where the hell he was going. He pushed the door open to the bathroom and noticed it was empty except for Remus washing his hands. 

"Hey," Sirius said. 

"Fancy meeting you here," Remus chuckled, looking at him in the mirror. "I suppose you're not here to use the bathroom."

Remus wiped his hands dry and turned around, leaning on the sink. He put his hands in his pockets and grinned. 

"Most definitely not."

Sirius couldn't walk towards him fast enough, kissing him immediately. It started out soft and started to get heavier. You could probably hear the deep breathing and the sighs in between kisses from outside the door if you listened hard enough. They really were like magnets. How do you get closer to someone that you are already physically so close to?

"Do you think someone will come in?" Remus asked in between gasps for air and their mouths pressed together.

"God, I hope not," Sirius replied. "I don't want to stop."

Remus pulled away to look around the bathroom, still pressed up against the sink. Sirius kissed his neck, unable to stop himself. It made Remus grin. 

"Are you sure you've never done this before?" Remus breathed.

"You just bring out the best in me, Moony," Sirius pulled away and just smiled at him, his heart practically beating out of his chest. They were both blushing, enjoying each others presence. 

Remus closed his eyes and titled his head towards the ceiling. "Lord, the things I'd do to you right now."

"You can do them later."

"Oh, I will," Remus said, walking past him and out the bathroom door. 

Sirius stood there, looking at himself in the mirror. Based on his hair alone you could tell someone had had their hands running through it. His cheeks were bright red, and he couldn't stop smiling. Again. 

He tried to fix his hair the best he could, and then went back to join his friends and Remus. 

"Jeez, Pads," James said as he approached the table. "I was beginning to think you fell in."

"It wasn't that long!" He replied and threw his arms in the air lazily. 

James shrugged. "Maybe not, but it felt like it, honestly."

Remus looked at Sirius and smirked, as he watched Sirius take his seat. Sirius thought coming onto Remus would make him feel less sexual tension, but it really just heightened it more than he thought was possible. 

'Damn, I really have no idea what I'm doing, do I?' he thought. 

"What's on your neck?" Peter asked, looking at Remus.

"What? What is it?" Remus replied, his hand reaching up to his neck as if he was going to feel whatever it was. 

Sirius's eyes widened as everyone was noticing the hickey on Remus's neck. It was small, and it was accidental, but definitely noticeable. 

"Oh for fucks sakes, you two!" James exclaimed. He looked at Sirius, "Did you just do that?" 

Sirius laughed, harder than expected. His laugh filled up the whole room. 

"I can't see what's on my neck!" Remus said. 

"It's a fucking hickey!" James exclaimed, pointing at it. "Right there!"

Remus started laughing, covering up the general area with his hand. He started blushing again. "Whoops."

"Yeah..." Sirius said. "My bad."

"You two are unbelievable," James said. He was trying to sound like he was scolding them, but he couldn't stop from laughing. For some reason, he thought it was really funny.

"What can I say?" Remus began. "I'm irresistible."

That caused everyone to break out in laughter, even Sirius who deeply agreed with his statement. 

* * *


End file.
